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  1. #1
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
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    What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    The media has been desperately trying to figure out how the Vikings came up with their devastatingly effective offensive strategy on Sunday. Here's my theory (I wish I could make a diagram):

    - It all starts in a secret underground laboratory, which is a part of the same underground facility in which some vast, unknown conspiracy (henceforth referred to as "they") faked the moon landing, keep the alien spaceships, and monitor our thoughts. It seems that they developed a mutant strain of hemp that can produce weed that makes the user extremely high. This uber-chronic is promptly smoked by Onterrio Smith, who becomes so wasted that he forgets he is suspended. He staggers into the coaches' booth and passes out. The back of his head is used as a dry-eraser board and writing desk.

    - Loney selects a play by throwing darts at a play chart. His aim sucks. When he misses (which is about 5/6 of the time), he calls a running play.

    - The idiotic play he selects is written on a post-it note and sent to Zygi Wilf's Idiotic Play-Calling Facilitation Task Force via an invisible midget who can run really, really fast. The task force, made up of Dimitrius Underwood, Jose Cortez, and MC Hammer, plays hot potato with it for about 3 seconds and then sets it on fire.

    - After a brief attempt at a seance to summon the ghost of Scott Linehan fails when she realizes that he is still alive, Miss Cleo attempts to predict the defensive scheme ("the Tarot Cards never lie!"). Nobody listens because it is all a load of horse$hit.

    - Matt Birk offers 3 different suggestions, then mentions that he went to Harvard for the umpteen millionth time, as though we don't already know that he's smarter than the coach.

    - Onterrio Smith wakes up, smokes some more weed, then passes out again.

    - A gust from the Metrodome air conditioner blows the burning post-it note all the way to the Vikings' bench, which sets Tice's pants on fire. He runs around like an idiot until he bumps his head. He suddenly sees the light and remembers how to read.

    - Finally, Mike Tice calls a play. Daunte changes the play at the line of scrimmage anyway.


    So there you have it. That is the final word. That is our play-calling system. You can print that in the newspaper. Now, where's my Pulitzer?


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #2
    PurplePeopleEaters's Avatar
    PurplePeopleEaters is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    Probably right... :lol:. I think that it changed for this week though. This week it was the same minus steps 1-7. :lol:

  3. #3
    Lotza's Avatar
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    Thats hillarious BB-Plat!

























    Go vikes!!

  4. #4
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    .......Now, where's my Pulitzer?

    better question , where your meds? :lol:

    http://justlube.net/?page_id=44

  5. #5
    PurplePackerEater is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    The media has been desperately trying to figure out how the Vikings came up with their devastatingly effective offensive strategy on Sunday. Here's my theory (I wish I could make a diagram):

    - It all starts in a secret underground laboratory, which is a part of the same underground facility in which some vast, unknown conspiracy (henceforth referred to as "they") faked the moon landing, keep the alien spaceships, and monitor our thoughts. It seems that they developed a mutant strain of hemp that can produce weed that makes the user extremely high. This uber-chronic is promptly smoked by Onterrio Smith, who becomes so wasted that he forgets he is suspended. He staggers into the coaches' booth and passes out. The back of his head is used as a dry-eraser board and writing desk.

    - Loney selects a play by throwing darts at a play chart. His aim sucks. When he misses (which is about 5/6 of the time), he calls a running play.

    - The idiotic play he selects is written on a post-it note and sent to Zygi Wilf's Idiotic Play-Calling Facilitation Task Force via an invisible midget who can run really, really fast. The task force, made up of Dimitrius Underwood, Jose Cortez, and MC Hammer, plays hot potato with it for about 3 seconds and then sets it on fire.

    - After a brief attempt at a seance to summon the ghost of Scott Linehan fails when she realizes that he is still alive, Miss Cleo attempts to predict the defensive scheme ("the Tarot Cards never lie!"). Nobody listens because it is all a load of horse$hit.

    - Matt Birk offers 3 different suggestions, then mentions that he went to Harvard for the umpteen millionth time, as though we don't already know that he's smarter than the coach.

    - Onterrio Smith wakes up, smokes some more weed, then passes out again.

    - A gust from the Metrodome air conditioner blows the burning post-it note all the way to the Vikings' bench, which sets Tice's pants on fire. He runs around like an idiot until he bumps his head. He suddenly sees the light and remembers how to read.

    - Finally, Mike Tice calls a play. Daunte changes the play at the line of scrimmage anyway.


    So there you have it. That is the final word. That is our play-calling system. You can print that in the newspaper. Now, where's my Pulitzer?
    BBQ, did you happen to see the sign before the truck hit you??



    :lol:

  6. #6
    magicci's Avatar
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    did you read this in sportsillustrated? i knew Tice was changing the way his offense was called from rumors but i think this one is a winner.

  7. #7
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: What was the Vikes' Secret Offensive Plan?

    "magicci" wrote:
    did you read this in sportsillustrated? i knew Tice was changing the way his offense was called from rumors but i think this one is a winner.
    Nope. I used the "New Media" method: I just made up some crap off the top of my head that happens to be true (maybe - but probably not).


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

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