Thread: It's my business

A letter to all you faithful fans:
First of all, I'd like to say how much we appreciate your continued and un-abided support. Without all of you filling the stadium seats, we wouldn't have much of a team, now would we?
There have been rumors that I would move the team out of state. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is, I love North Dakota. My wife commented on how lovely the state looks in winter. Thats why we play indoors. We've got a great bunch of players on our team that continue to play hard whenever they feel like it, and thats great entertainment value to you, our loyal bandwagen fans.
As much as I try to motivate the team personally with the same management tactics I have used for years in my other business ventures (fear, insults, de-motivation, etc), I try to leave the micro managing to Mike Tice, also known as 'The Butcher of the Metrodome'. Speaking of Mike, didya know I got him for a song, and made him my personal *itch? Denny Green didn't respond half as well to my philosophy, thats why I had to let him go. Plus, I really don't believe African Americans are fit to coach at any level, but thats beside the point.
I believe it will take a few more years of mediocre play for us to get a new stadium. What you people need to understand is that it's all business. If I field a team that goes far into the playoffs, people would say "see, we don't need a new stadium. These guys do great in our dome". Now, if we keep losing the way we are, and I threaten the community with leaving town every now and then, peopel will wonder "hmm, maybe if we build a new stadium for poor ole Red, he'd invest more money in the team, attract mo'betta players, and we'd be the envy of the NFL".
Thank you for supporting the stadium drive.