Thread: Why Fantasy Football Matters

Book Excerpt: Why Fantasy Football Matters
Special to ESPN Fantasy Games
Aug. 3, 2006, 12:31 PM

There was someone on the radio saying fantasy football was nothing more then Dungeons and Dragons for jocks LMAO!

Nerdy bastards.

"Del Rio" wrote:

There was someone on the radio saying fantasy football was nothing more then Dungeons and Dragons for jocks LMAO!

Nerdy bastards.

It appears they described you in this article :lol: :

The Ex-College Football Player

The Ex-College Football Player enters a draft with a great deal of respect. He greets guys with his deep baritone voice, rubs his tightly shorn scalp, and smiles that winning smile, save for the chipped right bicuspid.

He circles the War Room in a Nordstrom's suit that's just a bit too tight across the shoulders and a shirt collar that's excessively starched. The crispness of his outfit will come into play late in the draft as his stress builds, and his neck-veins bulge.

If you have an Ex-College Football Player in your league, you know the drill. He was a backup linebacker at Penn State who used to ball with Lavar Arrington. Or he was the long-snapper at Princeton who used to ball the Governor's daughter.

In either case, the dude has skills.

The Ex-College Football Player starts the draft with a string of visionary picks. In the third round, he takes an emerging wide receiver, and says, "My boy James played with this cat in D-II - he says he runs tight routes." Murmurs break out in the draft room. The rest of the Bush League frets over his insider knowledge.

Ultimately, however, he is a sheep in wolf's clothing - dangerous looking but toothless. The Ex-College Football Player evaluates players based on their real skills, as opposed to their far more important fantasy potential. And that's a problem.

The first danger sign is when he adds Cory Schlesinger to his running back stable because "he's a great lead blocker and will be rewarded for his effort with goal line carries." Then he nabs a backup flanker on the Chiefs because he thinks that "his footwork is sharp and Coach Vermeil will need to get him involved in the passing game."

Then he takes Andre Davis because he "likes the work ethic of Virginia Tech players."

Phrases Used By The Ex-College Football Player
1. "I like his burstability."
2. "That guy can do twenty benches at two-twenty-five without sweating."
3. "His hands are the softest of any tight end I've seen in the last ten years."
4. "He elevated his stock at the Combine."
5. "My old position coach loves his can-do attitude."

At this point, the Ex-College Football Player's knowledge, once a key strength, becomes a weakness. Much like the Empire's fearsome "Scout Walkers (AT-ST)" were felled by the Ewoks' primitive ropes and boulders in the forests of Endor, the Ex-College Football Player now starts lurching forward, mired in his own analysis. By the eighth round, he collapses in a heap amid a group of fantasy football Ewoks, a third his size, dancing around and chanting "Yubb, yubb!"

This is how it ends for the Ex-College Football Player. Not with a bang, but with a trip, a stumble, a thud, and a whimper. The starched shirt is now tight around his neck. His once promising team is now in trouble.

But he remains a good sport. He smiles across the table at the geeky half-pints in his league - guys that he could snap like Joe Theismann's fibula - who snicker, snicker again, and then crack one joke after another at the big man's expense.

"Prophet" wrote:

"Del Rio" wrote:

There was someone on the radio saying fantasy football was nothing more then Dungeons and Dragons for jocks LMAO!

Nerdy bastards.

It appears they described you in this article :lol: :

The Ex-College Football Player

The Ex-College Football Player enters a draft with a great deal of respect. He greets guys with his deep baritone voice, rubs his tightly shorn scalp, and smiles that winning smile, save for the chipped right bicuspid.

He circles the War Room in a Nordstrom's suit that's just a bit too tight across the shoulders and a shirt collar that's excessively starched. The crispness of his outfit will come into play late in the draft as his stress builds, and his neck-veins bulge.

If you have an Ex-College Football Player in your league, you know the drill. He was a backup linebacker at Penn State who used to ball with Lavar Arrington. Or he was the long-snapper at Princeton who used to ball the Governor's daughter.

In either case, the dude has skills.

The Ex-College Football Player starts the draft with a string of visionary picks. In the third round, he takes an emerging wide receiver, and says, "My boy James played with this cat in D-II - he says he runs tight routes." Murmurs break out in the draft room. The rest of the Bush League frets over his insider knowledge.

Ultimately, however, he is a sheep in wolf's clothing - dangerous looking but toothless. The Ex-College Football Player evaluates players based on their real skills, as opposed to their far more important fantasy potential. And that's a problem.

The first danger sign is when he adds Cory Schlesinger to his running back stable because "he's a great lead blocker and will be rewarded for his effort with goal line carries." Then he nabs a backup flanker on the Chiefs because he thinks that "his footwork is sharp and Coach Vermeil will need to get him involved in the passing game."

Then he takes Andre Davis because he "likes the work ethic of Virginia Tech players."

Phrases Used By The Ex-College Football Player
1. "I like his burstability."
2. "That guy can do twenty benches at two-twenty-five without sweating."
3. "His hands are the softest of any tight end I've seen in the last ten years."
4. "He elevated his stock at the Combine."
5. "My old position coach loves his can-do attitude."

At this point, the Ex-College Football Player's knowledge, once a key strength, becomes a weakness. Much like the Empire's fearsome "Scout Walkers (AT-ST)" were felled by the Ewoks' primitive ropes and boulders in the forests of Endor, the Ex-College Football Player now starts lurching forward, mired in his own analysis. By the eighth round, he collapses in a heap amid a group of fantasy football Ewoks, a third his size, dancing around and chanting "Yubb, yubb!"

This is how it ends for the Ex-College Football Player. Not with a bang, but with a trip, a stumble, a thud, and a whimper. The starched shirt is now tight around his neck. His once promising team is now in trouble.

But he remains a good sport. He smiles across the table at the geeky half-pints in his league - guys that he could snap like Joe Theismann's fibula - who snicker, snicker again, and then crack one joke after another at the big man's expense.

:lol:

these guys forgot one key drafter: "the apperently calm but worrying on the inside guy" or "The Cocker Spaniel"

this guy doesn't get razzled on draft day to the naked eye, but inside he is an emotional wreck. you'll know who this guy is by him being calm throwout everyones' picks except when he is on deck. you will note twitches, stretches, neck-cracking. as soon as it is his pick though, he goes back to his outside calm composer while he is emotionally peeing himself on the inside.

"Del Rio" wrote:

There was someone on the radio saying fantasy football was nothing more then Dungeons and Dragons for jocks LMAO!

Nerdy bastards.

The guy on the radio was right.