01-30-2006, 11:26 AM #1Prophet Guest
Worst Super Bowl Moments (Super Bowls I-XL)
Click here for Mike Florio's take on worst moments in the first 20 SBs.
02-08-2006, 11:37 PM #2Prophet Guest
Re: Worst Super Bowl Moments (p. I & II)
XXXIX WORST SUPER BOWL MOMENTS (PART ONE)
It's becoming an annual tradition here at PFT. Amid all of the hype and hoopla in the days leading to the Super Bowl, we take a spin back at the worst moments from the ones that already have been played.
We've re-reviewed the list from the first 38 games, made some revisions, and added a new worst moment from last year's big game.
Here's Part One, covering the first 20 Super Bowls.
[size=24px]Super Bowl I:[/size] How overmatched were the Chiefs in the first NFL-AFL Championship Game, against the Packers? Kansas City's secondary was so bad that it was unable to contain a receiver who was: (1) old; (2) white; and (3) as of the night before the game, drunk off his ass (supposedly).
[Chiefs cornerback Willie Mitchell couldn't keep up with a guy who looked more like he should be tearing tickets than catching passes.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl II: [/size] The Raiders picked their own pockets against the Packers, coughing up two fumbles and a pick-six in a game that, statistically, was much closer than its final score. As if that ever mattered.
["Okay, whose thumb is up my ass?"]
[size=24px]Super Bowl III: [/size] Jets quarterback Joe Namath should've tried to kiss Colts quarterback Earl Morrall after he failed to notice that primary receiver Jimmy Orr was wide-freakin'-open on a gadget play that had resulted in an easy score for Orr when it was called during the regular season.
[Broadway Joe checks to see if Suzy Kolber is working the sidelines.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl IV:[/size] We used to make fun of Hank Stram's toupee in this specific spot. But since Coach Stram passed last year, we've decided instead to post this picture and invite the readers to suggest a caption. We'll put the best one up later this week.
[size=24px]Super Bowl V:[/size] Capping off a game that saw 10 total turnovers, Cowboys quarterback Craig Morton threw an interception with only 69 ticks left in regulation, allowing the Colts to win the game with a chip-shot three-pointer as time expired.
[Rookie kicker Jim O'Brien celebrates the game-winning field goal as Earl Morrall finally realizes that Jimmy Orr was wide-freakin'-open two years earlier.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl VI: [/size] From the DolphinsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ perspective, the entire game falls into the "abject humiliation" category Ã¢â‚¬â€œ but the manner in which they were bitch-slapped by the Cowboys makes their ability to turn it around and go undefeated in 1972 seem even more impressive.
[Roger Staubach whispers to Tom Landry: "Psst, Coach. Look at the bulge in Ditka's pants. I bet he'll never need medicine to make that thing work."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl VII: [/size] Is there any doubt? Garo Yepremian's hot potato routine turned what would have been the only Super Bowl shutout into a final score that creates the impression of a close game.
[size=24px]Super Bowl VIII: [/size] An undersized Vikings defense was so overwhelmed by the Dolphins' running attack that Miami threw only seven passes in the 24-7 rout.
[Carl Eller sizes up Larry Csonka for a weekend on Brokeback Mountain.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl IX:[/size] Fatal miscues by Fran Tarkenton (a bungled pitch resulting in a safety) and Bill Brown (a fumbled kick return to start the second half) frustrated the efforts of the Vikings' bend-but-don't-break defense to keep Minnesota in the game.
[Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert tries to kill quarterback Fran Tarkenton with his breath . . . and nearly succeeds.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl X:[/size] Cliff Harris's taunt of kicker Roy Gerela following a missed field goal caught the attention of Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert, who threw Harris to the ground like a stack of Monday morning newspapers.
[Lambert also had to be restrained from devouring Cowboys running back Robert Newhouse's spleen.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XI: [/size] Brent McClanahanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s first-quarter fumble on the Oakland goal line triggered that "here we go again" vibe, opening the floodgates for 16 second-quarter points by the Raiders, en route to a 32-14 vanquishing of the 0-4 Vikings.
[Raiders defensive lineman John Matusak says to a reporter, "I think this fat ass just crapped on my shoulder."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XII:[/size] Broncos quarterback Craig Morton threw as many balls into the hands of his own receivers (4) as he tossed into the mitts of Cowboys defenders (4). Mercifully, Morton was yanked in quarter number (3).
[size=24px]Super Bowl XIII: [/size] For dropping a touchdown catch that would have pulled the Cowboys into a 21-21 tie with the Steelers in the third quarter, Jackie Smith's name appears in the Guinness Book of World Records as the catalyst for the "Most Persons Simultaneously Uttering the Phrase 'Aw, Sh-t!'"
[size=24px]Super Bowl XIV:[/size] Quarterback Vince Ferragamo threw an interception to Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert as the Rams were driving for the go-ahead score late in the game, which would've erased that defense-splitting over-the-shoulder touchdown catch by John Stallworth from the pantheon of great Super Bowl moments.
[size=24px]Super Bowl XV:[/size] ESPN chalk-talker Ron Jaworski got his "X"Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s and "O"Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s crossed three times too many, giving little-known Raiders linebacker Rod Martin his day in the limelight as the recipient of each of the interceptions.
[size=24px]Super Bowl XVI: [/size] As Super Bowl legend goes, 49ers linebacker Jack Reynolds unwound after that game-altering goal-line stand by urinating along the sideline, surrounded by teammates. Fortunately for coach Bill Walsh, that whole Gatorade bath thing hadn't been invented as of January 1982.
[Hacksaw was doing the wee-wee dance minutes after helping keep the Bengals out of the end zone.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XVII:[/size] Dolphins coach Don Shula sent all eleven of his defenders toward the line of scrimmage on the Redskins' fateful fourth-and-inches from the Miami 43, allowing John Riggins to bulldoze cornerback Don McNeal and chug into NFL immortality.
[We know this photo was taken years before Riggins rumbled for the Redskins, but we've never seen a white guy sprout such an impressive 'fro.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XVIII:[/size] Underestimating the Raiders' ability to recall a play that the Redskins used under identical circumstances during the regular-season meeting of the Super Bowl teams, coach Joe Gibbs insisted on a screen pass to Joe Washington with 12 seconds left in the first half Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and Raiders linebacker Jack Squirek knew it was coming. Game over.
[size=24px]Super Bowl XIX: [/size] Dan Marino's only Super Bowl appearance was marred by the failure of the Miami defense to also make the trip to Stanford Stadium. 537 yards and 38 points later, Marino was undeterred.
["It's okay. I'll be back. Lots of times."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XX: [/size]With the game in hand, Bears coach Mike Ditka calls a goal-line run not by Walter Payton but by fat-boy-of-the-month William "Refrigerator" Perry. As a result, the record books show that the Fridge has one career Super Bowl rushing touchdown Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and that Payton has zero.
[Was it a spike? Or was the Fridge merely trying to make sure the ball was dead before eating it?]
XXXIX WORST SUPER BOWL MOMENTS (PART TWO)
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXI:[/size] Holding a 10-7 lead in the second quarter and with a first-and-goal on the GiantsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ one, the Broncos get stoned on three straight plays Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and then barefoot kicker Rich Karlis misses a 23-yard field goal. New York goes on to outscore Denver 32-3 before a garbage-time touchdown.
[We sincerely hope that whoever came up with the idea of kicking a football with a bare foot will spend a long, slow eternity as Satan's personal shish-ka-bob.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXII:[/size] The Broncos cough up a whopping 35 points in the second quarter, blowing a ten-point lead and running their all-time record in the big game to 0-3.
[John Elway was feeling pretty good when Denver raced out to a 10-0 lead. 42 points later, he was on his was to becoming his generation's Fran Tarkenton, at least for a decade.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXIII:[/size] Bengals running back Stanley Wilson becomes the first of three players in Super Bowl history to create avoidable off-field distractions that preceded his team's defeat, by getting coked up the day before a close loss to the 49ers.
In a lighter moment prior to the big game, Norman Esiason shows off little Boomer.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXIV: [/size]There wasn't one but 3600 dreadful moments for the Broncos as they allowed eight touchdowns to Joe Montana and the 49ers in the most lopsided Super Bowl ever.
[Joe Montana ran like a constipated gorilla, which makes his accomplishments with his arm, head, and heart even more impressive.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXV:[/size] It's easy to pick on Bills kicker Scott Norwood for missing a 47-yarder that wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve given Buffalo the title against the arguably inferior Giants. But the inability of the BillsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ defense to get off the field through three looooong second-half drives was the real reason the G-men won their second title in five seasons.
[We doubt that it had anything to do with the fact that he missed the kick, but Norwood's form reminds us of that big white plastic quarterback-kicker thing from our old electric football game.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXVI:[/size] Bills running back Thurman Thomas missed the teamÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s first offensive series Ã¢â‚¬â€œ because he lost his damn helmet.
[If/when Thomas makes it into the Hall, we dare someone to slip this picture into the notes of his speech.]
Runner up: Quarterback Jim Kelly threw four picks and did his best impression of the Weekend at Bernie's dude.
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXVII:[/size] Though Leon Lett's 1993 Thanksgiving Day blunder determined the outcome of the game, his showboating kept the 'Boys from hanging 59 total points on the Bills, thanks to an admirable dose of heart and hustle from receiver Don Beebe.
[Word is that Beebe had "2" and "7" in the office pool.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXVIII:[/size] James WashingtonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s 46-yard fumble return for a touchdown knotted the game at 13, and thrust the Cowboys to their second straight championship -- and the Bills to their fourth straight loss.
["Hey, Marino -- I see you laughing over there. You ain't got no rings, either."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXIX: [/size]In a not-so-subtle diss to Hall-of-Famer Joe Montana, 49ers quarterback Steve Young undermined his MVP performance by repeatedly throwing an invisible monkey off of his back once the game was in hand.
[Dude. Get a room.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXX:[/size] With the game in the balance, Steelers quarterback Neil O'Donnell found a wide-open Larry Brown in the right flat, who took the ball down to the one. Brown, unfortunately, was wearing a Cowboys jersey.
[O'Donnell taught Kordell Stewart everything he knows. Unfortunately.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXI:[/size] The rumored departure of Pats coach Bill Parcells didn't help New England bridge the talent gap with the Packers, and those rumors came to fruition when the Tuna didn't fly with his team back to Massachusetts, eventually bolting for the Jets.
["Let me say it one more time. Just so we're clear. I want to buy the groceries, cook the food, eat the food, and then crap down your throat."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXII:[/size] Packers coach Mike Holmgren instructs his defense to allow the Broncos to score the game-winning touchdown from the one, just after the two-minute warning. After the game, Holmgren admits that he made a mistake.
[It's okay, Mike. Even geniuses suffer from occasional head-in-ass disease. . . .]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXIII:[/size] The night before the game, Falcons safety Eugene Robinson tries to buy a Hummer. The problem, of course, is that he wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t at a car dealership.
[Busted and toasted, both in one looooong day.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXIV: [/size]ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s easy to pick on quarterback Steve McNair for not throwing the ball closer to the end zone on the final play, but the Titans never would've been playing beat the clock if their vaunted "D" hadn't choked on a 73-yard touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to Isaac Bruce after Tennesse had clawed back from a 16-point deficit.
[When talking breathlessly about how close Kevin Dyson got to the end zone on the last play of the game, why is it that no one ever shows this angle?]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXV:[/size] Ravens owner Art Modell's "I have a stroke" victory dance didn't occur on Super Sunday, but the Lombardi Trophy is forever tarnished nonetheless.
[Either Modell was trying to dance, or he was attempting to show Ray Lewis how to properly jam a knife into a guy's ribs.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXVI: [/size] Displaying a head of solid stone (brain included), Rams coach Mike Martz continues to call pass plays even though the Patriots use seven defensive backs for much of the game.
[It's okay, Mike. Even geniuses suffer from occasional head-in-ass disease. . . .]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXVII: [/size] Barret RobbinsÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ detour to Tijuana was the first big slip in a three-year slide for the Raiders, which has seen the proudest franchise in football virtually disintegrate.
[Rich Gannon says: "Make sure you take Rod with you, man. He looks Mexican."]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXVIII: [/size] The furor over the Janet Jackson debacle overshadowed Kid Rock's desecration of the flag.
[Thousands have died for it. Kid Rock used it as a fashion statement. Idiot.]
[size=24px]Super Bowl XXXIX: [/size] Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb couldn't have picked a worse time to start coughing up Chunky Soup than crunch time of an effort to mount a comeback against the Patriots.
[Donovan should have been looking down after the game, in order to avoid stepping into a mess of his own lung gravy.]
I had to add in a SB XL since the article stopped short.
[size=24px]Super Bowl XL: [/size] Hines Ward becomes a hero in a day where Big Ben tosses for 123 yards and two picks while Antwaan Randle El goes 1/1 for 43 yds and a TD.
[Hines Ward contemplating how to get this damn trophy on his thumb.
02-08-2006, 11:46 PM #3Jersey Retired
- Join Date
- Dec 1969
Re: Worst Super Bowl Moments (Super Bowls I-XL)
All I know is, we need to get back to the damned Super Bowl! It's been more than 30 years for crying out loud!
02-08-2006, 11:54 PM #4
Re: Worst Super Bowl Moments (Super Bowls I-XL)
65 toss power trap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ll be dead and cold before I m green and gold
Thanks to PPE for sig
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