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  1. #1
    Prophet Guest

    Resume be damned.

    Resume be damned
    Sports Rap
    By Mychael Urban
    Published: Thursday, January 19, 2006 2:48 AM PST

    Don’t you wish you had a coaching job in the NFL?

    Of course you do. Where else can you fail to meet virtually ever standard laid out for you at one stop and be welcomed with open arms elsewhere?

    That’s what happened to Norv Turner. Who cares if he couldn’t figure out a way to crank up a Raiders offense that featured a quarterback with Super Bowl experience, a 1,000-yard running back and one of the best receivers of our time? The Niners jumped at a chance to hire him to run their own offense.

    This kind of stuff just doesn’t happen in the real world. Get the boot for jamming the copier too many times in your role as assistant night manager at one Kinko’s and you are banned from gigs at all other Kinko’s for life, right?

    In the NFL, though, sometimes you don’t even get fired for being so ineffectual. In some cases, other teams still come after you like you’re the answer to their ills.

    That’s what happened with Mike McCarthy, who parlayed his pathetic season as the Niners’ offensive coordinator into the head job at Green Bay.

    The Niners didn’t score a touchdown in half their games? What exactly did McCarthy coordinate? The campaign to brand Alex Smith an utter bust?

    You don’t give the acne-riddled valet who just tore the bumper off a Hyundai the keys to your Lexus, do you? That’s what the Kansas City Chiefs did, rewarding Herm Edwards’ 4-12 record with the New York Jets with $12 million. They even gave up a draft pick to do it, which is like letting that valet make out with your wife while he parks the Lexus.

    But, hey, sweet life if you can live it. In the NFL, one team’s trash is another team’s happy press conference.

    SPEED ROUND: OK, Jake Plummer. Knock it off with the beard and long hair, already. Nobody cares to see the remnants of last night’s dinner dangling off your chinstrap. Besides, Johnny Damon just called asking for his attention back. … Good point made recently by’s Jim Caple, who says the best way to embarrass Cuba would be to let them play in the World Baseball Classic; he thinks it will get — excuse the pun — boat-raced by the U.S. pros. Why not take it a step further and let Orlando Hernandez and Jose Contreras play for America? If Mike Piazza can play for Italy based on his love of linguine, surely the Cuban defectors living large in Miami can suit up for us. … Speaking of coming up small: When the punt team runs onto the field, the quarterback walks off. Bart Starr did it. Johnny Unitas did it. Dan Marino did it. Joe Montana did it. Not the great Peyton Manning, though. Twice this year, he waved the punt team off, leaving coach Tony Dungy looking like a scorned caddy who just suggested a 3-wood from 100 yards out. You would think Manning had actually done something in the playoffs to earn the right to punk his coach on national TV, but he hasn’t. Nobody in the history of the game has. Have a nice spring, clown.

    Mychael Urban is the author of “Aces: The Last Season On The Mound With The Oakland A’s Big Three — Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito” and a writer for

  2. #2
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Sep 2004

    Re: Resume be damned.

    Another no-talent hack writer Peyton-hatin'...look out, this guy is the next Grantland Rice! NOT!!!

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