Quarterbacks - not to be confused with nickelback - are notable from average men through a number of traits. Primarily, quarterbacks are able to chuck a bomb or, if need be, a football at a target over sixty yards away with perfect accuracy, a remainder from the supersoldier experimentation. Quarterbacks were also created to breed spontaneously, and thusly can steal your girlfriend at any given time. If you encounter a quarterback in public, be sure to hide your girlfriend/mother, because he will mate with them.

Quarterbacks' most hated enemies are linebackers, who are notably fatter and unable to throw a ball. However, if you allow one to sit on your face, they may become a deadly enemy.