Thread: Pretty funny power rankings

This was found on one of the espn messageboards.

Not your typical current power rankings. :lol:



1. Tennessee Titans: Gods that can basically control anything...you cant F with that. Top of the list

2. San Diego Chargers: Nothing can stand up to freakin lightning! Except the gods who create it (see above)
(edit: Chargers also could be horses used in battle, but I'm sticking with the lightning bolt since its whats on their helmets and is still relevant)

3. New York Giants: huge size advantage here, no weak points except if lighting strikes a giants head, he's going down, the bigger they are...

4. Minnesota Vikings: Vikings are bad a$$, I sure wouldnt want to be stuck in a room with one.

5. Oakland Raiders: Close behind Vikings, Raiders will take your shi+, and kill you too

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Also a pirate, who have no souls, just want to rape and pillage your island, behind the Raiders because of fruity logo

7. New England Patriots: Shot out to our men in uniform, they would be higher but society wouldn't like it if they kicked a$$ and killed randomly, Bush would have a lot of explaining to do Patriots are the best of the civilized folk

8. Dallas Cowboys: Although I hate the cowboys, they have guns, and guns usually win in a fight.

9. Houston Texans: Cheap knock off of the cowboys, but they still have guns too.

10. Kansas City Chiefs: Great fighters, warriors, can adapt to almost anything, but throwing spears doesnt get it done, obviously the guys with guns (see above) won the real fight for America

11. Washington Redskins: Chiefs are higher simply because they are Chiefs of the tribe. The Redskins are just the tribe, but they can fight and kill just about anything (that doesnt have a gun)

12. Chicago Bears: Since humans can kill any animal (again they have guns, spears, booby trapped lassos laid hidden on the ground and hooked to a tree, etc) the Bears are below them, But they are the best of the animals in the league. Big a$$ bears that will rip you apart for honey. Ill pass on that fight thank you

13. Detroit Lions: Lions are the king of the jungle, but I feel a large bear would win in a fight, so Lions get a high ranking but 2nd in the animal kingdom, plus they sleep way too much.

14. Buffalo Bills: Huge animals with reckless abandon that will run your a$$ over if you dont get out of the way.

15. Cincinnati Bengals: Tigers can climb trees, they are awesome, but much smaller then the above animals and would get tore apart by a lion or bear.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars: Cool animal with great hunting skills, fast, cunning, stalks prey then eats it carelessly. Also saying Jag-u-wire sounds cool (nice car too)

17. Carolina Panthers: Close race with a Jaguar, but you cant really say it cool Pan-the-ras? no, doesnt work

18. Pittsburgh Steelers: Yes they are humans, but they steal. Kinda weak if you ask me. I think an animal would tear them up while they try to steal its fur or something. (edit: as noted, Steelers arent actually thiefs, but steel mill workers, which would land them probably at the same spot, maybe 19th, behind the 49ers because they have a weapon)

19. San Francisco 49ers: They are armed with a pick axe, but rushing to a mine first and looking for diamonds doesn't teach you how to use that pick-axe when a lion or Jag-u-wire come hunting your a$$ in the field.

20. Denver Broncos: all they can really do is run and maybe horse kick you if you stand behind them, not much at putting up a fight. But good size, and seemingly tough looking

21. St Louis Rams: Although small, they are tough little boogers. And they will bang their head into your face until you go away, or until you shoot them with a gun.

22.Indianapolis Colts: Lower caliber of a bronco, so they are ranked lower, same tools though, running and kicking you in the nuts if you get to close to their tail.

23. Seattle Seahawks: First of the bird group, they are mean birds of prey that are on a nonstop hunger feast. Also im a Seahawk fan, so they are the best bird (best bird logo too )

24. Atlanta Falcons: Huge sharp talons, nasty beaks, some of the fastest flying birds in the world. Would kick any other birds feathers off (except a seahawk of course)

25. Baltimore Ravens: Very smart birds, great at finding food, and actually figuring out complex puzzles. but not much of a fighter. They could possibly figure out a way to get their a$$ to safety if a seahawk or falcon attacked it, but they wouldnt fight back.

26. Philadelphia Eagles: Bald eagles are americas symbol, but in reality they steal fish from smaller birds that did all the work catching them. Low grade in my book, but a cool looking bird.

27. Arizona Cardinals: nice bird to look at if your a bird watcher, kinda aggressive too, but would lose a fight in about 1 second with any other bird on here. Ranked here because they can fly, and flying is cool

28. Miami Dolphins: Smart mammal, but they are stuck in the water, and dont do much fighting. Chicks love em though. No ability to defend itself except swim faster. They round out the animal kingdom.

29. Green Bay Packers: yes they are humans, but they work in a warehouse and make uniforms and such...oooh so scary. plus "packer" can mean a few things in jokes that arent very manly...

30. Cleveland Browns: Paul Brown couldn't fight

31. New Orleans Saints: But I bet Paul Brown could beat up a saint. Then the Saint would forgive him. Good humanitarian people, the Saints are, but almost dead last on this list.

32. New York Jets: Obviously a jet cant put up much of a fight against anything while it sits there in the hangar. I mean, even a slug would beat it by crawling all over it and making it all slimy and icky.

Nice rankings. The Packers are a little overrated on the list and the Dolphins a little underrated.

I just thought of something:

Jacksonville Dragwhores

No disrepect to the Jaguars, I actually like their team, I just thought that was funny.

Philadelphia Seagulls - If you're not careful, they'll poop on your head.

hahah the seagulls. thats hilaruous. poor eagles.

I thought "browns" were dogs or bears or something.

"JDogg926" wrote:

I just thought of something:

Jacksonville Dragwhores

No disrepect to the Jaguars, I actually like their team, I just thought that was funny.

Philadelphia Seagulls - If you're not careful, they'll poop on your head.

I always call them the E-girls...kinda 21st Century in their new stadium, but still whiny and soft. :lol:

No offense to any of our ladies...our Viking women could kick the crap out any of those E-girls if they wanted to! :grin:

HAHA.. A lil off I would say

Indy at #22, sheesh. They're probably the best team this decade.