"Prophet" wrote:
[size=12pt]Pacman Jones to Catch Up on Some Crime During His Suspension[/size]
sportsp.com

While disappointed with the four-week suspension handed down by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell this week, Cowboys defensive back Pacman Jones says that in a way he is looking forward to some time away from football.

“I don’t think the average fan realizes how time intensive this job is during the season,” said Jones. “It’s hard to keep up on just day-to-day things like errands and stuff. I can’t tell you the last time I’ve been to the dentist or robbed a man at gunpoint.”

But with at least four weeks – and likely more – of free time ahead of him, Jones says he will catch up on his to-do list.

“I’ve got to trim my hedges, kill an informant, put some weather stripping around my backdoor, sell some crack, wash my dog, smoke some crack, talk with my financial advisor about whether I need to diversify my 401(k) in light of the economic downturn, and do some date rape,” he said. “And that’s just what I have scheduled for this weekend.”

Jones said he is not concerned about reports that Goodell is considering a lifetime ban from the NFL.

“He’ll do what he has to do and I’ll do what I have to do,” said Jones. “But right now I am just taking care of my business, going about my life and preparing to come back. Football is what I do. But crime is what I love. Goodell can never take away what I love. Never. Even in prison I can still do crime. In fact, it has been a longtime dream of mine to shank a dude in the shower.”

Jones admits that his uncertain future status is a cause of some stress.

“It’s tough not knowing how long I’m going to be out,” he said. “There are so many things I want to do, but I don’t know if I have time for both misdemeanors and felonies. I’ll have to re-evaluate everything once the commissioner makes a final decision, but for now I’m probably going to just stick to felonies. They’re more fun anyway.”
LMAO